The room was silent - he'd turned the lights down, so it was pretty dim, too. We were sitting fairly close but somehow it didn't seem right to reach out and hold his hand although it looked as if he really - and I mean, really - needed it. I stole a quick glance without moving my head. His eyes were fixed on a spot on the floor.
I thought it best to stay still for a little while (although, frankly, I couldn't ignore the fact I was sitting on my leg which was cramping)...I knew I had to be quiet 'out of respect' .
But one of us had to break the silence and I knew it had to be me.
"Ok? You ok?" It was a stupid question - two stupid questions, to be precise - because it was more than obvious he wasn't. I simply didn't know what to do or say next and I'm just not good in these situations.
I turned to him arranging my 'happy/sweet and gentle' face - definitely not my 'happy/let's have a laugh' one.
He pressed his lips together and nodded, sort of bravely, slowly and still silent.
Back to me then.
Suddenly, don't ask me why, it just seemed right in the moment, I went for the hand-hold.
Oh dear! That's when I knew for sure. I felt nothing.
To be certain I squeezed his fingers a little.
Nope, nothing coming back at all.
I tried stroking his knuckles.
It was as if I wasn't even there.
Hot tears started to blur my vision. I wiped them away quickly (as if he would have noticed.)
"Is there anything I can get you?" I ventured, a tad nervously.
"No!" He sounded sharp - well, sharper than his usual self, but I should have expected it.
Quietly I got up.
"I'm going to make a cup of tea. Are you sure you couldn't do with one?"
It was as if he hadn't heard - but at last he looked up.
"You know how important this is to me."
It was my turn to nod.
"Why did Derby bloody have to score! I'd have been happy with a draw."
Then he said something about points and QPR being third in the table now - which, by the way, I thought he'd already told me after the last game so what had actually changed???
All I knew about that was - now wasn't the time to ask.
